Singleness Redefined

We think the special and perfect man of our dreams is out there—possibly even just around the corner. Maybe one good-looking person comes along, so we try him out, only to see someone who might be more appealing a few weeks later. The first one is ditched, our hopes are elevated again. Oh, but then there just may be a better option ...

First of all, this practice breeds discontent. We want perfection and will not accept flaws in another. We live in a world of the latest and greatest technology. There is always a new software package. In the computer age, we have moved from the desktop to laptop to Palm to BlackBerry within the span of a few years. I can hardly keep up with the names, much less the technology.

Not only are we looking for the best buy and highest quality, we are trying to package ourselves perfectly, too. Don’t forget to hide that blemish or wear the right lipstick color. Dating really has become a game. We are constantly trying to outdo the next woman—either with ourselves or our man.

... to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God (Micah 6:8). So consise, yet so hard. Why? Because we don’t realize the justice that we deserve: condemnation. Abundant mercy instead has been shown. The Christian life is about realizing the truth of our status before God and then allowing that truth to affect every other facet. If we grasped only a part of the incredible depth of his love, our lives would be a continual outpouring of service to others.

Our longing for someone to notice us will perish. We miss innumerable blessings in this life by obsessing with ourselves! I could spend the hours praying for the needy people I encounter, instead of looking past them for only those desirable in my eyes.

Whom does Jesus see? The helpless, unlovely, and dying. Oh, that we would have his heart and daily give him our calloused, self-absorbed selves. Much of our struggle with singleness may well have to do with our constant introspection; we spend much of our time pitying ourselves. God loves the outcast, the poor, the widowed, the needy. So should we. In fact, we are the needy, apart from God.

Think over your life and all the opportunities God has given you, the passions he has placed in your heart, the activities you enjoy, the ways you like to serve people, the times you have been most fulfilled. God has given all of us ways in which we can explore his creativity and beauty in this world. Discover how he has shaped you. Begin an adventure of uncovering your interests. You may enjoy entertaining, love to cook, and have the gift of hospitality. Do not wait until you are married, but welcome people into your home now. Hospitality and food prepared as a work of art can nourish the soul. If you enjoy outdoor activities, spend time in nature enjoying all the variety that the Lord has created. Praise him for his beauty and think about encouraging others, too, by starting an outdoors club. Do you like to travel? See if you can plan vacations to discover the world God has knit together and all the cultures that are represented.

God has given each of us unique gifts to be used for his kingdom. Don’t waste any more time. Carpe Diem… seize the day. Live life to the fullest for the Lord and the benefit of others. Find the delight in life; there is such an abundance! God has made beauty and each one beautiful. Seek out beauty, create it, and share it with others.

As a single woman, do not sit around waiting for your husband to come along. Do something productive. I spent much of my twenties “playing it safe,” living in locations that seemed well suited for finding a suitor. He did not come along and, unfortunately, I wasted needless energy on worry and, ironically, waiting. Wouldn’t we rather that our husbands find us pursuing the core of our being, the essence of our God-given personality and character, rather than existing in a state of complacency or practicality? I am not advocating irresponsible pursuit of our dreams, but we should seek out who God made us to be and the talents he has given us. Search out how those can line up with his kingdom work and your vocation. Interestingly, when we are where God would have us, these are one and the same, whether in corporate America or third-world missions work. Remember, our ministry field is anywhere God has placed us. Use the wonderful gift of time that God has given you today.

The notion of perspective was made crystal clear to me by the epic presentation of “The Gates” by Christo and Jeanne-Claude, a display of seventy-five hundred “gates” stretching twenty three miles in New York City’s Central Park during February of 2005. At first I was completely dissatisfied and appalled that anyone could find these steel impositions beautiful. One night at a Bible study, I made my definite opinion known and was shocked to hear one woman’s response of complete adoration of this artwork. She even found it glorious and was moved to praise the Lord. Needless to say, I was moved to silence on the subject for the rest of the night!

But I also was determined to go back to “The Gates” with an open mind, willing this time to be affected—perhaps positively. I was astounded with what I learned—about myself and the world.

I realized that even if I did not find them beautiful at first or even generally, there were aspects of beauty. When the wind blew through the fabric, the drapery rustled in varying patterns and heights. Slowly, I found myself noticing the interesting effect made by the gates gradually tapering off and decreasing in visual size as they wound down the path beyond. Later, after a snowfall, I was awed at the contrast made by the saffron color against the glistening snow, painted behind by a brilliant blue sky. Then I found myself touched by the children, foreigners, New Yorkers, artists, rich, and poor—people of all types who had congregated in this one spot for this event.

The lesson I learned? We must be willing to come back to the gates in our lives several times, willing to be touched, changed, challenged, and shaped. I truly believe the Lord would have us look for the beauty and significance in everything, to open ourselves up to the bounty of life that he has put before us; to come alive and have a response! Interact with the circumstances, people, nature, and art around you. Always look to grow, even in your singleness. There is a wealth of opportunity and joy to embrace. Don’t let life pass you by, and don’t stand on the sidelines. Walk through the gates with open eyes to learn and absorb from those around you.